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You've joined deviantART to become a great artist, or to show the world that you're a great artist. You've joined to ogle all things kawaii. You've joined to dominate the chat rooms, or the forums, both. But above all, you've joined to become a llama baron: you've got your heart set on that 'runaway llamas' badge and nothing's gonna stand in your way.

You've added a couple of people whose art you're interested in to your deviantWATCH. Or perhaps you watched them because you thought they were cute, or because you liked their avatars, or because they offered you some friendly advice, or because they helped to allay the awkwardness you felt on joining such a large community by issuing you with a generic greetings message along the lines of [if not actually] 'Welcome to deviantART!'

The message is so carefully crafted that you suspect the person greeting you has greeted ten thousand other people today with the same copy-pasta. But you're not stupid: you know how important it is to make people feel welcome, and you also know that it would be deviantSUICIDE to say to someone who gave you a deviantWELCOME, 'Oh, but I bet you say that to all the n00bs!'

Let's review: You've been welcomed, you've deviantWATCHed others — oh! and you've received a couple of llamas from your new friends. Congratulations! You're now on the path to llama Nirvana.

After much random clicking, you've finally found the forums, and you get your first couple of threads locked by a community volunteer [the people with the heart symbols after their screen names] because you didn't read the stickied threads [which appear at the top of each forum and contain help and advice  only, you didn't think you needed any help and advice, what with having made it this far on your own].

You've entered the chat rooms, where a CV will sooner or later inform you that you've broken the chat room rules. Perhaps you spammed the acronym 'YOLO' or detonated the F-bomb a few too many times. Some helpful deviant has informed you that, in order to talk to someone, you can type the first few letters of their screen name then press the tab key. Again, you didn't think that you needed this advice, but you did  and that's okay, because you're still learning. And once you've read the FAQ a couple of times [you see a link to it, along with the Etiquette, Copyright, and TOS policies at the bottom of the screen] you'll be well on the way to deviantENLIGHTENMENT.

Meanwhile, you've made more deviantFRIENDS, and your army of llamas is growing. And you've started to get used to the strange typography that appears everywhere, which at first glance appears to be slightly schizophrenic stroke schizophonic, what with lower-case letters implying whispering and capital letters implying SHOUTING. But once you understand that 'deviantART loves you' [its official motto], you can tolerate this strangeness.

You're finally home  and now that you are, you start acting as such. You take part in deviantCONTESTS, ogle deviantPRINTS, and set up a deviantPOINTS-donation fund on your profile page. But it's not all sunshine, lolly and rainbows. You suddenly realise that you've become a deviantADDICT. deviantART now means more to you than llamas and plz accounts. [Nobody bothered to tell you what they are; you had to find out for yourself.]

You've started to get serious.

You log in every day to see if anybody has replied to your forum post regarding those kawaii things which drew you here in the first place [Google, you fleetingly think, has a lot to answer for], or to see if anybody's added any of the work that you've uploaded to their deviantCOLLECTIONS. Sometimes you log in simply to leave a comment on some n00b's page: 'Welcome to deviantART!' [You try to remember where you've seen that before, but you can't  you've seen too many fanpics of Hamutaro and Fruity Cuties to be able to remember anything with certainty any longer.]

deviantART has become your deviantOPIATE. And it's no coincidence, you paranoidly think, that deviantART and deviantOPIATE kind of look and sound the same.

You've got deviantANXIETY.

And do you remember those deviants whom you befriended on joining? Well, now they want to know how you're doing. And they want to know what you're doing. And they want you to know what they've been doing! Good grief! What are you going to do?

You could block them. But if you did that, you'd risk igniting deviantDRAMA. You know people don't call it that; it happens so often that they call it simply 'dArama'. You wonder why they don't just call dArama 'dA' since that strikes you as being much more accurate [the pun isn't lost on you), economical [it saves time], and ergonomical [it saves the fingers a bit of work].

But deviantDRAMA is a no-no [or an iie-iie: presumably you can speak Japanese after having been exposed to all the Japanese things on here]  so that rules out blocking them; but you can hardly ignore them, either. After all, you might have been here for as long as you have, but that doesn't give you the right to be a snob  something that the few self-reflective faculties you have remaining, once the rest have short-circuited after prolonged exposure to kawaii paraphernalia, are telling you.

You could make a new account  take the llamas and run. Only, llamas  like Premium Memberships, which you also might have acquired by now  are nontransferrable, and besides, you're now so much closer to llama Nirvana. Do you really want to lose all those llamas? Also, you've got a kiriban coming up, and all those page-views didn't just come from asking people to visit you; you worked hard to get them!

So, you decide that you have to respond to these communications. You copy the text from one of them into a Word document only to discover you're having to dismantle a wall of text to the value of around 1,400 words. You think you remember that at college your essays only had to be a thousand words long. Every now and then you save your reply in draft notes, emails  anywhere you can, really, because a power cut now would be disastrous: you'd feel like Sisyphus pushing a rock up a hill only to have it fall back down again when you nearly reach the top, and having to begin the whole thing again.

So time is not of the essence; the comments are coming in fast. It's all getting a bit too much. You need time to think  time you'll spend smoking a cigarette or two. But you're going to have to go outside, because your ashtray is overflowing with tab ends.
deviantANXIETY, A Case Study, Part IIYou should congratulate yourself on confronting your previous problems. However, new problems have arisen, and these cause you more anxiety.
For you, deviantART has now acquired not just the status of an opiate, but of a religion (which are only the same thing if you believe Karl Marx) — you regard deviantART as a monolithic, abstract entity which claims to love you and which is prepared to punish you — by way of suspending or even permanently banning your account — if you should do anything which displeases it. As such, you feel guilty for acknowledging that you have new problems; but you can't ignore the fact that overcoming the old ones wasn't enough.
But you really don't have to feel guilty. deviantART's love conquers all: it shall be your salvation. And salvation can be achieved by joining groups which indulge your infatuation wi
deviantANXIETY, A Case Study, Part IIIYou've been here for so long that you're a veteran. You've acquired a set of impressive but questionable statistics, having burned through many an account, and repeatedly promising your exasperated watchers that each change of account was the last. If only the account name-change feature was available earlier, you could have saved your friends, and yourself, a lot of trouble. You've no idea where your original account is, or in which year you joined.
You're full of tales about such defining deviantART moments as the birth of Fella, the fall of jark, and +spyed spurning his $ in favour of +. You don't remember if you witnessed them or only read about them. Because your memory's hazy, you believe you're technically not


I made a few stylistic changes, and updated some of the content; but there were some things I was reluctant to change about this essay — the primary thing being the old brand name, since I poke some gentle fun at it [DeviantArt used to be deviantART]
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Daily Deviation

Given 2014-02-23
deviantANXIETY, A Case Study by farand is hilariously accurate. You will recognize at least some of these symptoms in yourself and many (if not all) of your deviantFRIENDS as you read.
Don't miss to read the follow-up studies as well. ( Featured by ginkgografix )

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:iconelliedoodles:
Elliedoodles Featured By Owner 4 days ago  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
This got me smiling :) You can really write it all!

I'm afraid I'm starting to be a bit of a deviantADDICT...but I still have a long run to get to all those comments and replying...I think I'll just stick to commenting anf faving for now...sorry if I drive you into dAnxiety :S
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner 4 days ago
Thanks very much! :hug:
Reply
:iconoreoapocalypse:
OreoApocalypse Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Wooow, anxiety is definitely what I got from reading this 0.0 I have a few of these symptoms, although not on such a big scale. I log in too often, but I don't have toooo many watchers or comments and all yet, so, not usually too spammed. This was fun to read though
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner 5 days ago
:giggle: Thanks very much!
Reply
:iconoreoapocalypse:
OreoApocalypse Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome very much :happybounce:
Reply
:iconjcsolis01:
JCSolis01 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
I get a bit of a condescending touch from this.
But darn it, cause it is all so true!! :D

Hell, I've been on DA for a while now - long enough to learn a few rules, behaviors, and to calm down from NEWBIE EXCITEMENT. But some things haven't changed since I started. I'm hooked, and I don't wanna let go! :happybounce: 
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2015
I think you're the first person to pick up on the slightly condescending tone :p
I hope it adds to the humour of the piece, though? :noes:

Please don't let go! DA has a lot to offer! :hug:
Reply
:iconjcsolis01:
JCSolis01 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Trust me. DA's got me on a leash! :D
Reply
:iconmirage-epoque:
Mirage-Epoque Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Darn! I've only been a member for almost three months and I've noticed that I check my account at least seven times a day... :XD:
This is a great read! :D
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Aug 3, 2015
Thanks very much :p
Reply
:iconamidasu:
Amidasu Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015  Student General Artist
I did recognize some symptoms Clap 
I do loggin every day, and wait for anything to happen La la la la …
I love contests…
But deviantANXIETY not yet, not enough watchers or friends yet Meow :3 

(I asked myself if I should comment, I don't want you to be a anxious deviant Sweating a little... ) 
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015
Haha, you're terribly sweet! :giggle:
If the anxiety ever becomes too much, I'll deactivate my account! :o
Reply
:iconamidasu:
Amidasu Featured By Owner Jul 13, 2015  Student General Artist
I hope it never happens then, it would be a shame to loose you Huggle! 
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:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014  Student Writer
I feel uncomfortable with the degree to which this resembles the me from some years ago. :stare:
Super suuuuuuper belated congrats on your DD! :heart:
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2015
Super suuuuuuper belated thanks! :hug:
Reply
:iconlaeneris:
Laeneris Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Student Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconundomiel321:
Undomiel321 Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
haha! I like this too. Very accurate.
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner May 7, 2014
Thanks very much! :D
Reply
:iconevilscarrlett:
EvilScarrlett Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I like it. :)
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Thanks! :D
Reply
:iconevilscarrlett:
EvilScarrlett Featured By Owner May 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
you're welcome!
Reply
:iconproudtortoise:
ProudTortoise Featured By Owner May 2, 2014
Hm, makes sense. But it doesn't really describe me.
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
You should write your own take on dA! :D You're quite right to say this piece doesn't describe you - everyone's experience of dA is different, isn't it?
Reply
:iconproudtortoise:
ProudTortoise Featured By Owner May 3, 2014
Mine is boring tho XD
Reply
:iconrealbeastie:
RealBeastie Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
wow, this actually explains how I got ADicted... I apologize, very bad pun. :D
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014
Ha, thanks :p
Reply
:iconrealbeastie:
RealBeastie Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
youre welcome 
Reply
:iconidjpanda:
iDJPanda Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Student General Artist
Oh gosh. Have you been watching me? This is a perfect description of how I was when I joined dA. xD

I'm going to read the rest of this series. It's hilarious. xD
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014
I might have been watching you, yes :eyes:
I took my own experiences - and from what I could tell, the experiences of others - and it was rather fun to caricature them
:hug:
Reply
:iconphoenixdestruction:
PhoenixDestruction Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014
Congratulations Jim, although I don't think I suggested this piece to the CV that gave you this DD, I did suggest it a few months back. and it is well deserved. :)
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
Thanks! :hug:
Reply
:iconl-inque:
L-Inque Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
lol
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:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Mar 3, 2014
:bow:
Reply
:iconlonglovevegeta:
longlovevegeta Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
Wait... there's a chat room?
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
Yes there is!
If you look at the top right of the screen you'll see the deviantART logo and the big white letters that spell out deviantART. Right next to this word is a circle with a downwards-pointing arrow in the centre. Hover over it and a drop-down menu will appear. To access the chats, click on Chat. #devart is the official channel of deviantART; but chat contains a long list of all the publicly-listed chatrooms available :)
Reply
:iconlonglovevegeta:
longlovevegeta Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
Omg xD Thanks! I guess I'm about to get my first ban :P
Reply
:iconskye-42:
Skye-42 Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student General Artist
So accurate... :XD:

....Now excuse me while I go and cry about my pathetic excuse of a life. :iconrazycryplz:
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
LOL at that plz account! :iconlolowlplz:

I know the feeling :petting:
Reply
:iconskye-42:
Skye-42 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student General Artist
I know right? :XD:

Ah, it's alright. I'll get over it eventually. (Keyword: EVENTUALLY.)
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014
I hope so
But if you don't... you might at least be able to get used to it? :o
Reply
:iconskye-42:
Skye-42 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2014  Student General Artist
Who KNOWS...? o.o
Reply
:iconcarbondata:
CarbonData Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Ha ha, brilliant...Ah! A reply! ;)
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:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
Thanks for your reply! :faint:
Reply
:iconcarbondata:
CarbonData Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Professional Traditional Artist
Was so funny. Looking forward to more...though, don't be anxious about that :D x
Reply
:iconlaughbutts:
LaughButts Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
POOR THING! HAHAHA
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
IKR :O It's a very grim business, isn't it?
Reply
:iconnaikki:
naikki Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
This was hilarious and well written! :)

Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
Thanks very much :hug:
Reply
:iconbetaofthebass:
BetaoftheBass Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014  Student Filmographer
this actually really does hit home ^^
 i am so very glad i have a deviantART now
cause i love to just force on my art and that is it...^^
Reply
:iconfarand:
Farand Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2014
I'm glad :hug: And thanks!
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